In a twist no one could have predicted, Kyle Rittenhouse, the controversial figure at the center of the 2020 Kenosha protests, has canceled his much-anticipated appearance at Orlando’s Shell Shock II Metal Fest. The reason? The metal world has apparently succumbed to what Rittenhouse calls “wokeness,” leading him to pull out of the event and leave his metalhead fans scratching their heads.

It all started when Shell Shock II, a charity festival aimed at raising money and awareness for veterans and first responders with PTSD, announced Rittenhouse as a special guest. The festival, known for its lineup of hardcore bands and mosh pits that can only be described as “organized chaos,” quickly found itself in the middle of a controversy that had nothing to do with music.

“We support veterans and raising awareness for PTSD, but we can’t align ourselves with an event that’s turning into a platform for someone like Kyle Rittenhouse,” the band said in a statement on Facebook. “Even after they offered to remove him from the event, we found other entities associated with the festival that we just don’t agree with. It’s not what we signed up for.”

The backlash wasn’t limited to the bands. Fans of the festival took to social media, voicing their frustration with the event’s decision to include a figure like Rittenhouse. Twitter and Reddit threads exploded with debates over free speech, political correctness, and the role of controversial figures in public events. Many questioned why a festival that was supposed to focus on supporting veterans and first responders had turned into a political battleground.

As more bands and fans voiced their concerns, Rittenhouse, perhaps realizing that his presence had become a lightning rod for controversy, decided to cancel his appearance altogether. His reasoning? Metal, according to him, had gone soft.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not True.

This Story Was Contributed By Hawaii For President Trump’s Third Term